bun in the oven

"The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear. The more I try to erase you the more, the more, the more that you appear."

I'm having a baby boy!  We've tentatively decided on the name Garland.(My modified due date is Christmas Eve.) I was extremely excited to find out the sex, and even way more excited to find out my son is perfectly healthy. So to all of you who berated me for taking possibly harmful medication, when I was just trying to ensure we BOTH stay alive. Suck it!... Had to get that out of the way...
   Since the great news, I have been thinking about what it will mean to raise a man. Even though one of my alters, David, is male, he's more of a computer than an actual alter. He rarely ever comes out, and when he does, it's purely functional, mostly he's in charge of regulating who gets air time, and how much, etc. I do not consider myself a "girly girl". Never have. However, I do consider myself very womanly.I've been told by many different guy friends that I'm not a man,but I'm a dude.
    Even though I am sometimes conflicted on what a real man is, and our media and world around us is definitely conflicted and contradictory about it. I have a very good notion of what a man is not. Probably the only positive thing my father taught me. I know a man is not someone who has to rely on physical and verbal aggression to feel self assured and safe. I know a man is not someone who has to rely on name-calling and insults to make himself feel superior. I know a man is not someone who is worried about being superior. I know a man is someone who loves and respects women, children, the elderly, and anyone of a weaker physical makeup, who would never even consider laying hands on a woman or a child. I know a man is not harsh,  but strong. I know a real man is not someone you fear physical and emotional harm from, but rather, fear disappointing them.
   The more I think about it, and analyze it, I realize even more than teaching specific gender issues, what's more important is teaching the universal value of a PERSON. Something that every single one of us are, no matter our race, gender, sexual orientation, or physical, mental, and environmental handicapps. Boy or girl regardless, I am having a life.