O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

A year ago if I was told I have hepatitis C, a disease that could potentially kill me, I would be relieved. Correction, I would be elated. A chance to die soon of natural causes? Sign me up! A complete escape from all this without the guilt towards my family and loved ones for taking my own life? Sounds like a gift from heaven. (apparently i'm feeling religous today) However indeed, having a baby changes everything.
       Today I had to go to the doctor due to the intense pain in my liver i've been having the past week, when i called the dr, they had me come in right away. I've been terrified of many things in my life, but never, ever before have i been afraid to die. And I am terrified. I don't want to just live through my pregnancy to have a safe delivery, I want to live to see my child grow up, their first day of school, maybe even have kids of their own. It's not just me either, all of my personalities feel the same way. Yes, vampire still wants to self harm, and yes, my wild child self still dreams of needles and straws, but there's a general consensus that a baby trumps any possible desire for harmful behaviour. Truthfully, I'm beginning to envy them. Vampires anger, the way she can harness it into doing whatever she wants, or making others do her bidding. Her ability to detach emotion from necessary tasks, and even though my scars up and down my arms and all over my body are from her, I wouldn't be alive today if she wasn't here to protect me. And teenage linda? sometimes I feel like she's more mature than i am. Her ability to deflate a tense situation with a joke, a "whatever dude", her ability to assert herself and communicate exactly what is wrong is an ability i definitely do not possess myself. And even though she uses the wrong channels ( drugs and alcohol) she did what she knew how, to alleviate my pain. Yes, their existence makes me a weirdo, an outcast, a lunie, whatever you wanna call it but without them I would not be here. And I am so grateful for that