I'm not gonna do it.
     That's what I told myself, when I woke up this morning. I'm not taking that medicine again, i'm just not. Day after day, take all these pills, and along with being a drug addict, i feel it's all i ever see. Pills pills pills pills pills pills. I gave in and took my lithium when i was scratching the carpet frantically, sure I was going to find the nest of the sparkly fairies I had been seeing fly around all morning. It doesn't matter what day it is, I wouldn't be able to put it into context anyway. The last week being a mess of fifteen minutes at work here, a movie at home, an argument, a sandwich. Tiny little tidbits of the life someone else is living for me. Trying to piece them together like a puzzle that's so old the pieces don't conjoin anymore, even if they were meant to.
        If it was at will, I would have the best mental illness in the entire world, anything i didn't want to go through i could just switch, and come back when all is well. Like Adam Sandler in click. Even Mr. Deeds gets in over his head, it is not at will, I get very little choice in it at all. I find pictures I didn't draw, I give instructions I never gave, poems I never wrote. There's all these things around me but where am I in them? With all this loss of time, it's hard to tell who's the alternate personality? Me or them?