"Quis hic locus? Quae regio? Quae mundis plaga?

What world is this? What kingdom? What shores of what worlds?

I am entering new territory. A world I have never been before, one where I am left to deal with the ups and downs, the infuriating and the confusing, all with only my thoughts in my head. Never before have I considered how lonely and isolating it must be to be normal. To not have other people inside you who can just take over when the going gets tough. I am learning all too quickly. To be honest, I do not like it. I do not like having all 24 hours in my day. I do not like making decisions without an agreement, protest, or rebuttal from somewhere deep inside my being. The only break i've gotten in the past three weeks is when I got a birthday card in the mail from my dad. I watched from the balcony as it was burnt to a crisp in my kitchen sink, eminem blasting so loudly on the stereo that my ears hurt when i "came to". But that is all.....What shall we do tomorrow? what shall we ever do?... It began with the false supposition that my therapist was getting married, they went silent. I was deserted. Even now, after finding out it wasn't true, I still feel deserted and abandoned. It doesn't help that my boyfriend is sometimes wonderful and engaging, sometimes distant, but the greatest distance of all is the one between my best friend and I. The one I'm constantly, painfully aware of. She is there, and I am here, and as much as i want to, i cannot will the distance together. My loneliness, or "aloneness" is somewhat thrilling, albeit daunting. An adventure of sorts. I will undergo this one, holding my own hand, just as i always have, and just as i always will.