Well, here i am again. In the death grips of pregnancy insomnia. A different breed from the insomnia that's been as familiar to me as the back of my own hand. This one purely driven by physical discomfort. I'm exhausted, my back aches, sleep seems like it would fall right into my lap, but the minute i lay in bed, my legs get that funny feeling, my hips ache, my mind races, and the good nights sleep always seems just beyond my fingertips that I still can't feel. So i continue my nightly regimen of chamomile tea, homemade rice heating pad, and surfing the web. I'll probably fall asleep on the couch again sometime around 6 am, reawaken at 7 or 8, trudge up the stairs and sleep fitfully til noon.
However the end is near. Actually i thought it would be here already, seeing as i'm 3 days overdue now. But I'm promised by my doctors they won't let a pregnancy prolong past 41 weeks. Which will be tuesday.And everyone is preparing for it. I can't help but wonder how labors going to go. Will i disasociate? will it be completely or will i still get to watch but not control? Which personality will take over if I do? It depends on the amount of pain, and the stress level of the environment around me I suppose.
With everything going on right now I have been in survival mode the past few weeks. I don't brood over my unfolding family drama, my long, hard, pregnancy, in fact I'm pretty out of touch with my own emotions. Losing control is simply not an option. So i really don't even think about any of it. I'm not trapped in my own head, I'm trapped out of it. It would be a nice break if the circumstances were different.
I hope everything goes well for you when your baby is born. I remember those sleepless nights all too well at the end of a pregnancy. My thoughts are with you.
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